Thursday, May 26, 2011

Wake Up Dead

(Title inspired by song of same title by Megadeth)

The day I died, heart ripped out by a bite from the she-wolf in sheep's clothing, I became a ghost, lost of pride and heart. A former man now casting away his shell, never again to walk among the happy living.

I curse those with happy hearts, their souls contained in warmth, joined by hand, my arms, by lips. Everyday, I float among the living with constant reminders of the cause of my death and what I lost with it.

You say you didn't mean to be so cold. Your actions and words say otherwise today. You're an ice queen.

As far as I'm concerned, I should decide not to waste further time with someone who lies, teases, and with whom I hold no future with. A bitter price to pay for making me wake up dead.

As for me, I'll eventually go beyond the realms of death, where I'll never again be reminded of the happiness I lost in the living world. Everyday, I'll wake up dead.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Fuck Love Forever

I was a fool to think that this would ever last forever. It's all lies, all fake, fake promises.

Who would've thought a beautiful woman like her would've fallen for a loser like me? I should've learned my lesson years ago.

Love is just only meant for eternity. And it's only meant for a select group of people, like the 144,000 that will rule the earth with Christ.

If love is just meant to only last a little bit and just end with hundreds and hundreds of heartbreak, then I'm done looking. I'd rather remain a lonely virgin for life than experience heartbreak over and over again in my life. It's less pain, right? I'd rather not waste my time. All that talk of marriage and having children and being together and never leaving, all that's a bunch of bull crap that's revealed, in the end, and you realize that you wasted many precious moments and resources for nothing but pain and feelings of suicide that you'll get over and over again. I'd rather avoid all that.

Fuck love forever.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

I Don't Deserve.....

I don't deserve happiness
I don't deserve life
I don't deserve death
I don't deserve heaven
I don't deserve hell
I don't deserve God
I don't deserve Satan
I don't deserve purgatory
I don't deserve existence
I don't deserve feelings
I don't deserve a heart
I don't deserve love
I don't deserve Mika
I don't deserve our baby girl
I don't marriage
I don't deserve eternity
I don't deserve a ring or wedding
I don't deserve her eternal loyalty and companionship and love
I don't deserve to fly
I don't deserve the 3 sacred words
I don't deserve promises

I don't deserve shit.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, January 21, 2011


I've always found solace in the friendship of women.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

As Brothers and Sisters, Christian or Not

Galatians 6:2:

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way, you'll follow the way of Christ."

This is my Christian verse, my way of life.

God bless, and thank you, Lord Jesus.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Money Makes People Selfish

I remember my fiance telling me when she was at the mall, a woman sat next to her. She had just bought 3 iPads, and she was giving her 16 year-old daughter 80 dollars to spend.

I bet none of them never even give a first thought as to what many others around the world are going through. Some of us (like me and my family) are losing their houses, or at least are in danger of losing their homes. Some are living in cars suffering in the winter cold with barely nothing, and the homeless shelters are filled past capacity, and many more still need help. Many don't even eat every day.

And yet, many others are spending like crazy on iPads and tons of clothes they probably won't wear after a day or week or so, and it'll just end up in their closets like my mom's millions of crap is.

Does any of it even make you happy? Can money bring you hapiness? It doesn't even smell nice (literally). Do all these material posessions fill the whole in your lives? Instead of trying to cover up your sadness with money and material posessions, why not use it to help those who actually need it for food and a home and medical help and everything?

And as for the government, you're pretty much also to blame with your own greed, as well as your corruption. Why not forget those expensive trips and vacations and help out your country or other countries?

Humanity has been disgusting me.


What happened to you? You used to be so full of life and passion, even in your 60's as a Reading professor at college. You used to rant about America and how the country you fought for during the Vietnam era was nothing but corrupt pieces of crap. You just used to let it all out, no matter what.

Now when I see you walking up those stairs and walking through campus, you look dead to me, drained of your passion. Your head and facial hair went from white to black, like your heart. Not that you've become mean, but like your soul was replaced with a different energy. Is it the students you've been getting? Are they ruining your faith in the future of America? Or did you do something to get you to lose your teaching job? What happened? What's your story?

I miss ya, man. Even your political rants.