Friday, April 30, 2010

An Ode To The Sky

This I dedicate to the favorite part of the world I enjoy: the sky.

It all happened yesterday on a clear day. I was gonna write about it yesterday, but some stuff came up. Other than the tons of math I gotta do, I'm cool now.

Anyway, I looked up, and all I saw was blue open heaven. I wanted to be up there. And being part eagle on the college mountains with a thirst to fly, the craving was really hitting me.

So instead, I'll talk about what I think about when I see the clear blue sky:

Learn To Fly by Foo Fighters
Little people that look like ants
Giving her a ride of my back
Some of my music
Heavy Metal
My friends
Spreading my wings
Looking Down
Hutington Beach
El Paso
Manhattan, Kansas
Detroit, Michigan
The world
Special floaty feeling
Maximum Ride Series by James Patterson
Human bird hybrid
Spanish-style guitar combined with Metal guitar
Wanting to write it all down

This is what I think of when I see the sky. I know I'll feel all of this when I fly. And I wanna share it all with her, most of all. We'll fly away forever. I'll be free, nothing holding me back, just be with my hunni. Nothing else would matter.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Give The Eagle His Wind

Oh, my god, you wouldn't believe the amazing feeling I had today.

Baby, you know you always do, but I just gotta share this new one.

I was catching my bus at college to go home, and it's pretty windy today; has been so since yesterday, but that's ending tomorrow on Thursday. Anyways, I'm wearing my hoodie jacket, and the wind is blowing in my direction, and the wind makes my hood expand and stuff. You cannot believe how good that felt, the cold air blowing around my face. I wanted to cry out my eagle cry. And it was even better since my college is located right on the moutains that hold the vast ocean on the other side, and with forrests in the middle and more mountains.

I thought to myself: is this how I'll feel like all the time when I fly? Because I really wanna get out there and just live nature!

Even when I got back to the lowlands to walk home, the wind was still there with me, calling for me. The mountains in the distance.

I need my wind, baby.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Rainbow For The Eagle

Normally, I talk about a very special lady when it comes to risks. But right now, I wanna talk about a risk I took today in the mountains. That's right, the real live mountains, the San Andreas Mountains, to be exact.

It's kinda rainy today. Actually, very rainy. And it includes strong winds. Isn't that lovely? Not for a winged creature, it is not. I went outside to get some fresh air, as I have been working on an extra credit report all day. And when I reach the outside, I see this bright beautiful rainbow in full bloom. It's the one in the picture, that's right. Only problem is this: the rain's blowing right at my face, thanks to the wind. But I didn't care; I got out my phone camera, and went for a shot, which is the one you're looking at right now.

I realized that one end of the rainbow was really close to my school, just on the other side of the highway! I decide I wanna get a closer look and a better picture. So wrap up, with music to motivate me, and start heading down there. Despite the wind going strong and the rain slapping my face, I still went for it. Thank God I was wearing a hoodie jacket today.

I get excited as I finally reach a good view when I realized: it's fading away! Either that, or science says that I can't view rainbows in full bloom from up close. Either way, I stuck around for a minute to stare, and I walked back to the Learning Center at my school.

What am I trying to say in this here anecdone? Basically, a few things. I wanted to share this wonderful experience with you. And that a lot of times, you will do anything just to see the most beautiful wonder on earth.

Rainbow=My wife, Mika. <3.>

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I Follow The Rules. Why Don't They?

Despite having a good day, and even though today was kind of an exception, I'm really, really upset with the bus system right now. Let me explain what's going on.

Basically until 11 in the morning one bus goes from the bus station to my college, and takes the same route in reverse while dropping and picking up passangers to the bus station. But then at around 11 is when it starts to change. Oh, and this has been going on for weeks; this is this first time they started this system. Now one bus drops off students, but doesn't take anyone else to the station after dropping off its students at my college, so we gotta wait for another bus to get us in a few mintues. And these past few weeks, the bus that's supposed to come get us has been showing up super late, so I end up missing my second bus to take me home, so I'm stuck at the station for a half hour. And it's cold right now!

I don't get it. We all have to follow rules and instructions, right? We're expected to show up on time, right? I do all of that, but apparentely, they think that they shouldn't. And plus, what is up with the system they've been using? I don't know if they're trying to save money or not, because if they are, they're stupid because they're actually wasting more money with this new method. And why not kill 2 birds with one stone, and have the first bus pick us up and take us to the station after dropping off students to school?

Why should I show up on time if they won't? Why should I pay them to have me be late? We might as well be a bunch of tree-climbing crap-flingers if we're not willing to follow the rules.

I guess until something happens, I'll have to bite my tounge. But you don't know how many times I've come close to have a confrontation with the bus drivers.

But seriously: rules are there for a reason.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Will I Fly Alone? Don't Think So.

I think the answer to that question is no. Wanna know why? I found another eagle that'll fly with me as long as these wings still work.

Ironically, I'm a bird that's really into solitude. But as any living being, I need Somebody, Someone (like the song by Korn says).

And I know the one I'll be flying with is the one that's made me the happiest I've ever been in my whole life. I'm looking forward to flying the skies with her.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

How Far Will I Go?

I dedicate this to a certain someone and the song, I.V by X Japan.

What will I do for her? Many things.

Lose my feathers.
Give her my blood, any organ or limb of mine she needs to live.
Give up flying.
Fly with her.
Walk 300 miles just to see her face.
Risk trouble.
Die for her.
I'll give up my I.V for her.
Give up my last breath so she can live.
Run Away With her.
Go to Mt. Everest with nothing but my pants, and scream her name to the high heavens.
Fly every sky.
Swim the 7 seas.
Take on Sharks and Bears.
Write a Heavy Metal Song in her name.
Tatto her name on my neck.
Even marry her.

I will go to the absolute limit. The only thing is, for her, there is no limit to what I'll do for her. Nothing. I'll go all the way with her.

Monday, April 12, 2010

A Gambler Who Never Bets

I'm an ironic guy when it comes to gambling and bets. I'll explain why. This will involve a trip back in time to when I was 16 and in high school. And I'll try my best to make some stuff simple to understand.

From ages 13 to 17, I was a card shark who loved Yugioh cards. I kinda sucked a lot when I started, but then again, all beginners suck. Eventually, I got better and better. By age 16, even though I still lost, I didn't lose as hard as I did when I started playing in middle school. But the interesting thing was that by the time I reached my "prime," I have finally developed my own style of dueling in Yugioh.

Dueling=Playing Yugioh card matches. Kinda like pokemon.

Now what was the style I developed? Was it the style of zombie or hard-hitting, or fairy cards? It's the style of gambling. Basically, some of my cards involved the use of coin flips and dice rolling, 2 tools that are used by everyday people when they wanna bet for something like who gets the last pizza and whatnot. With this new style of card-playing, I took down opponents super hard, even when they were starting out strong and kicking me around like a football. Suddenly, I realized: I can do more with this in my life than with just Yugioh cards.

Eventually, I got bored of the card game when I was 17. Plus, only 2 of us in my friend's circle were still playing. And 2 years later, guess what? On my iPod touch, I have 4 gambler/bet apps: a coin app, a dice app, a spin the bottle app, and even a roullete app. That's right, they can all be used for bets.

But you wanna know the irony of myself as a gambler?

I don't bet.

Why? Is it because I'm a coward who doesn't wanna lose anything? One time, I did lose a bet pretty hard involving Yugioh cards, and I never win bets anyways. Plus, I didn't wanna lose any valuable cards at the time.

But is that why I don't bet? Nope. The real answer is this: I just don't want to. It's pointless for me. Even when I know I'm gonna win, I still don't bet. Is that because I don't wanna hurt the loser? The answer, once again, is no. The real reason is because I just don't wanna bet.

Maybe I might be lying to myself about the cowards thing; I don't know. To be honest, I don't think I'm lying to myself. But everything else I said is completely true. I like gambling. I just don't bet at all for anything, even if victory is screaming and spitting at me in the face.

Weird, isn't it? But that's who I am.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Heart: A Friend, Traitor, or Both?

I dedicate this posting to the song, That's What You Get by Paramore. And for those who wonder who's in the pic, that's the one and only Paramore singer, Haley Williams.

People tell you to always follow your heart and do that it says. The Bible tells you that the heart is the biggest traitor, other than Satan, of course.

Sometimes, this confuses me. It's like, to me, should I trust my own heart or not? I am my heart, so therefore, I should know what to do and what decisions to go by. I am the one who knows what's best for myself, after all.

I also know that I shouldn't listen to anyone else when it comes to running my life. I'm my own master. But just like any human being out there, we make mistakes, right? Sometimes, not good ones. But you gotta be able to get up from the ashes and fly again like a Phoenix. As long as you know how to do that, and as long as you try to make as little amount of mistakes as possible, then you can trust your own heart. You also have to be able to make good decisions, of course.

At the same time, if your heart gives you strong intuition about something, depending on whether it's good or not, you should go for it. Usually, the first choice is the best one, and you'll feel happy you decided to do it, most of the time, that is.

I guess it's pretty complicated whether to trust your heart or not. I know for me, it is. But I'm mostly gonna trust it. Why? Because it hasn't done anything to betray me yet. Plus, I have my head to back me up. Feeling must work with thought and logic in order to lead you.

Whatever you wanna decide about your heart is up to you. Just make sure your choices don't come back to haunt you.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

All Aboard The Crazy Train

I just got listening to the song, Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne.

I've heard this song countless times, and even though I already figured this out in high school, Ozzy is right: Life is a crazy train, dude.

War, famine, drama (not the theatrical kind), you name it. Even though I've been sheltered from the rest of the world, I can still feel the effects of all the hell that is going on in this planet. I may still be undamaged now, but I'm bound to experience the crazy stuff.

But either way, I still had depression and so much other stuff in high school where it hurt me so much to the point where I wanted to run away. But I'm much stronger than that. I'm still surprised I didn't turn out to be a gang member or a junkie or a criminal or turned to self-harm. I'm too freaked out to do the physical stuff, but running away was definitely an option I felt at the time.

It's a bit hard to explain, and I think another time I will explain. All I know is that at some point, I decided to take action. I realized that not doing anything makes your problems going away. It's like just continuing to have your home after it got the crap beaten out of it by a hurricane. No, you pick up the pieces, and fix the darn thing. That's what I did with my life.

Guess where I am now? I'm off the crazy train, and in the sky where I belong, where I can get away and head to where I really want to get to. No more trains for me. I got wings.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

My Philosphical Song: Learn To Fly by Foo Fighters

I found a song that finally relates to me. Something that fits with my lifestyle, and how I see myself as a graceful eagle.

Learn to Fly by Foo Fighters

I'll try to break it down lyric by lyric, and keep in mind that not all the lyrics go for me, obviously, but plenty of the lyrics do fit me. And these will also be in my own interpretation.

And I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something to help me burn out bright

I've loved the sky for as long as I remember. And to me, these lyrics tell me that this whole time, I'm looking for that vast sky of opportunities, all the adventures out there, everything that I wanna see and experience. Most of my life, I've been kept prisoner because of my parents. Because of them, I haven't had much life experience. There's plenty that I want to do and experience. I want to travel, live life, do it all, help me shine.

I'm looking for a complication
Looking cause I'm tired of lying
Make my way back home when I learn to fly

I'm tired of living the boring life-style I've been living my whole life. I want something to occupy me, even if it's something tough. Make it a life battle and an adventure. No more of the crap I've had to live with. I'm going into the skies/world where I belong, where I'll grow up and spread my wings on my own.

Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone
Try to make this life my own

Even though I've mostly been solitary, I can't do it completely alone. I don't think most people can, but that's just what I've observed. I want some supporters with me, a few best friends that'll be there forever, and I want my lover to be there for me. But even with people around me, I'm the one who makes my own life, and who is the master of my own destiny.

This will be a song I shall live by for a very, very long time. This is what fits me to the core as both eagle and human.

Monday, April 5, 2010

The Core of a Soul

It depends on the person and what they've done, lied about, or their past. Sometimes, it doesn't matter, especially if they didn't do anything illegal, hurtful, or damaging.

Everything that's important in a person or lover is the inside. The soul. That is the pure core. That's where everything comes from: who they are, their actions, interests, everything. And no matter what's happened or been said, that shouldn't matter if you really care about them. Again, it depends on the situation and person, but your love should be unconditional. It should be tougher than steel.

You have to be true to your heart, and not let anything interfere with how you feel about a person. Love them for their soul, their core. All the treasures are in a person's central core.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Strange Reasonings

People do some weird things, things that shouldn't be done. I'm not talking about hurting someone brutally (depends on what you talk about), or stealing, or anything major like that. I'm talking about how friends don't wanna talk to other friends anymore without having a proper explanation or logical reason. Sometimes, things like that happen, and the best thing to do would be to accept and move on, even if it's a friend you've really cared about like a lover, sibling, or other half.

Let me tell you 2 stories that have inspired me to write this entry. I'll start with the main one that gave me my blog entry idea for today.

This involves 2 of my online friends: a woman in Ohio, and a man in Kansas, both around the age of 19 like me (the girl is 18, actually). We somehow eventually ended up being connected together, including by Facebook, phone numbers, and Yahoo! Answers. One day, (I'll call the guy, Kansas, and the girl, Ohio), Kansas suddenly decided to stop talking to Ohio out of nowhere. Things seemed fine the last time they talked. Ohio came to me asking me what's happened to him, and that she was worried about him very much. We tried going through all possible scenarios until I came up with the idea of asking for his phone number. I called him 2 days later, and after explaining to him that I was a friend of his and that Ohio gave me his number, he just said "alright" and hung up on me right afterwards.

I was devistated he'd do this to me. Then again, he ignored my previous email on Facebook asking him about what was up with him and Ohio, and his avoidence didn't surprise me, although, yes, it hurt like hell. He was a Mexican brother who shared the same interests in Karate and Japanese culture. Me and Ohio lost a good friend. She and I decided it's best to move on. We both have plenty of friends, and she and I have lovers to be happy about.

Now for the story that happened months before.

A Latina friend of mine who lives in Canada was in Yahoo!Answers, and was a contact of mine. One day, she finally decided to use a real picture of herself as her Yahoo! avatar picture. She had a goofy face (basically, like she was trying to look goofy. She looked nice, actually). I emailed her telling her she looked silly. I had no intention to insult her, but she decided that it was an insult. She emailed me telling me I was a jerk, then she blocked me. Eventually, she unblocked me, but she told me she wanted nothing to do with me, and didn't want me to email her back ever again, or add her as a friend again. I didn't add her back, but I emailed her apolagizing to her, and explaing that I never meant to insult her. She never emailed her back, and I know she ignored my email because her account still showed activity. I knew I'd be in trouble if I kept trying to reason with her because she's had stalkers in the past, and she'd take me as a stalker even though I actually had good intentions. I had to let her go.

I often feel attatched to those I meet online even if they live on the other side of the world. I think of them as family and real friends who I can tell anything. But sometimes, they just have to go even though you either didn't do anything wrong, or didn't mean to cause harm and you try to fix things. The best thing to do is to let them go, and not dwell on it.

Try to appreciate the friends (and lovers) that you already have in life. And if you ever mess up, take it as a life lesson to make sure you don't ever do the same to someone else, and take it as a lesson that sometimes, people have their own reasons for leaving your life.

Keep flying, and meet more eagles, and fly with the ones you have in your life. That's what I'm doing.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Weirdos and Creeps In The Bus World

I've been taking the bus since I was 17. Actually, I should've started earlier now that I look back. If I had done so, I would've saved myself from being late to school so many times, and to avoid being stuck with the drivers doing their errands, and being force-fed sucky rap music by my cousin.

Anyways, I guess I didn't see the weirdos till about age 18 when I started college a year or 2 ago. I had to take a bus to therapy every Tuesday after school, and that took over an hour to get there. It was fine for me; I got to read, listen to music, take a nap, do a bit of homework, think, check out a few girls here and there (keep in mind I was single back then), and look at all the places and people in the Bay Area. It was pretty cool.

But that doesn't mean that the inside was nice, and I'm not just talking about the interior of the bus. I'm talking about the people that get IN the bus: Gang members, drunks, criminals/ex-criminals, druggies, whores, sexual harrassers, thieves, crazies, weirdos, creeps, perverts, loud-mouths, potty-mouths, peace-disturbers, and so on.

Let me tell you a series of events that I've encountered in my whole bus-riding life so far. Let's start with what inspired me to write this blog entry today:

I had just gotten out of math class, and was heading to the bus station so I could catch my next bus home. We pick up this baldish dude running for the bus stop, and we manage to get him. Then after he gets in and sets his stuff down, he just stands there instead of sitting down or at least grabbing on to a railing, which he should've done since our route was a downhill route. He just stands there with his hands in his pockets, and we had to stop for about a minute or two before the bus driver finally decided to talk to him. Apparentely, the guy didn't wanna sit, and our driver had to talk to him for about a few minutes, and she was able to get him to hold the railing. He eventually sat down. But I can tell everyone in the bus wanted to kick his ass, and he's pretty lucky I got to my next bus on time.

Now for the other events I've experienced in life. Most of these are when I was heading to therapy.

This particular one happened when I was heading to the bus station so I could catch the express bus to head to therapy. After I found a bench to sit on, this drunk guy comes out of nowhere, and starts shouting at the bus driver that had just dropped us off. He was nuts, dude! And then he sits over to talk to me! I knew he was drunk from the smell of beer in this breath. It was gross and awkward, and he talks to me like I'm his buddy. I was just trying to make sure I didn't wake up his drunken rage again.

Then there was this other time when I was already heading to therapy. We pick up this dude with dirty clothes and no shoes, and I think his feet were swollen. Apparentely, his wife kicked him out a few days ago. Now I don't know if he was high, or just nuts, but either way, here's what he does the whole time he was on bus: he gets up to the front, and faces the passangers, and gets all story-telling on us about his "pet hairbrush" and all. I don't remember much of what he did later on, but when he was getting ready to get off the bus, he announces something about a political meeting at this one library. We knew it was a bunch of BS. People were just trying to ignore him the whole time.

Then there's the time I was almost to therapy a while later in life. I was sitting in front (I used to do so before I decided to always sit in the back, and you'll see why this story contains irony). We had to stop the bus for a bit to let the engines cool off a bit, and this dude in the back starts shouting at the bus driver from all the way in the back (we were on a big bus), and then both driver and passanger start really attacking each other with yelling. I was afraid they were gonna start fighting there or call the cops or something. Eventually, we got the bus moving, and the fight was over. But man, that was a scary experience.

This other time also going to therapy, I was in the front with mostly men in their 50's. One of them was next to me, and the guy was about 57. We had a few teen girls coming on the bus here and there, and keep in mind these girls were from 13 to 17. And the guy checks them out like pieces of meat! Then he tells me to check them out, and is all "It's okay to look, just not touch." I wouldn't have done that for 2 reasons: I was 18 at the time, and these girls were already freaked out the guy, and they didn't need to fear an innocent younger guy. He started with a 16 year-old blonde, then a 14 year-old phillipeno girl. Staring and eye-humping them and the perverted comments and all.

The rest of the experiences are shorter: 3 gang mebers (2 men and a girl who were ex-cons or so). The girl was carrying a radio turned up loud even though the rules clearly state that no radios were aloud. And another time, we had 4 racist gang members who were possibly Klansmen. They sat in the back where I was, so you can imagine my nervousness at the time. I had to keep my valuables hidden, show no fear, and speak no Spanish (luckly, I look like a white guy even though I'm Mexican-American). Of the guys before he sat down, stared intensly at a young girl like it was no big deal. I thought I was gonna have to prevent a gang rape that day.

And another time, I had to be near this druken smoker who was showing off to me how he ripped off a guy, and he dared call himself "Jesus Christ." I'm pretty sure he'll be in hell any moment now.

Well, those are all the weirdest and crepiest experiences I've had on the bus so far. If more interesting bus incidents and moments come, I'll let you know if I feel they're interesting enough to share. Anyways, this is why I'm an eagle: I'm in the skies away from the craziness. I'm always safe in the sky where I can see it all.

Here's what I wanna tell you all: although it's nice to enjoy the benifits of riding and relaxing in a bus, if you want to avoid weirdos and creeps on the bus:

GET YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE! I know I need to soon.